Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Big Bloke Little Bloke

Have you ever had one of those nights that just seem to go on forever for all the wrong reasons?

As parents my Big Bloke and I share the load of parenting. He works and on his days off he is in charge of the Little Bloke. (Lucky right?)

Last night I decided to be the loving wife and be the one to get up to Little Bloke should he be grizzly so Big Bloke can get a good nights sleep. (Top teeth coming through and a formula change don’t make the easiest of nights.)


I kiss my Little Bloke goodnight and smile as he groans himself to sleep and  I proceed to get in to bed next to Big Bloke. I lift the covers and without any warning…. it hits me.

“Oh my God!  What have you been eating?! “I hiss at him. The smell is overwhelming and I want to reach for a bucket. He starts doing his silent laugh.


 You know the one, where you know you can’t wake the baby but you just find something so hilarious you make choking, hissing sounds with a smile plastered from ear to ear.
 I want to hit him but reach to open the door instead and wildly flap the quilt to get the smell away. I possibly resemble some bird doing a mating dance on a David Attenborough documentary but I assure you there will be no mating here.

A quick dig into the ribs of Big Bloke and my point is made. Luckily the ventilation in the room is pretty good with an open window and a fan (plus my ridiculous flapping) so the smell manages to disappear quickly enough.

 I crawl into bed and shut my eyes willing myself into dreamland.

Now I don’t know about you, but it takes a LONG time for my mind to shut down at night. My body could collapse, my eyes unable to stay open, but the mind? Going like a steam train a million miles an hour.  
Chugga Chugga-must wash Little Blokes clothes for road trip, Chugga Chugga- Did I put the dishwasher on? Chugga Chugga-Must remember to put bins out early….. 

It isn’t until about one and a half hours later than I feel my brain imploding towards sleep…. and I hear it. 

It’s a whole new version of my steam train. Right next to my head. I turn over to stare at Big Bloke. Mouth wide open like a fly trap and a storm brewing in his nose.  Why is it,the man who sleeps next to me suddenly resembles more of a musical instrument? I am about to plug it shut but then I hear the whimpering of the Little Bloke start. Geeeeeez! I don’t like the start to this night.

As the night went on Big Bloke and Little Bloke hooted, tooted, snored and roared. I felt like I was sleeping in a Thailand jungle- or not sleeping.


 I am suddenly aware of the little whimpers turning into suspicious ramblings and tapping and sit up to see Little Bloke standing in his cot banging his monitor against the railings. Seriously where does this kid get his energy? I cannot describe my disposition as anything but a wreck. 

The tapping on the railing was suddenly interrupted by another rip roar of gas from Big Bloke.

THAT’S IT! I give him a firm kick in the leg. “I have had enough!” I growl at him. “ All night you have toxified this room, shaken the walls with your snoring and slept like a starfish on this bed. I have barely slept so now YOU can get up with Little Bloke.”  Nice wife is off duty for the rest of the night.

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